you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
