I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
