And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
me + whiskey = a bad person
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
