I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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