Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize