Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she told me i tasted like america
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
