Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
