I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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