Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
