i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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