Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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