So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
