so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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