how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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