he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
