I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
