either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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