Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize