so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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