tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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