I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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