i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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