I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
