You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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