i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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