he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
