We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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