it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Vodka?
Forever.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
