how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
