I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize