I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
