i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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