their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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