My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
