So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
