I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
