dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize