i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
