I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Come back. Shots need mouths.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
