just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
