After last night, I could never be a politician.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
