just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
