Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
