He passed out mid-signature
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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