omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
