I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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