you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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