lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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