you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
