The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
