CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
