Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
