she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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