He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
