your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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