And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
