Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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