I wish I could punch you in the face.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
