i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
smell my finger.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
