Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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