i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
