I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
