I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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