similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
