summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
