i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
