I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
