he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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