idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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