I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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