im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
