so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
