the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
