im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
