tell your sister to shave her snatch
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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