we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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