Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
