We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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