so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
