look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
