Already got asked if we're dating
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
