Don't you send me to vm
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
