Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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