Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
