he puts the penis in happiness.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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